Лимерики, посвящённые Анальному сексу


Джим Хэйнс (Jum Haynes) собрал большую коллекцию австралийских лимериков

Часть из них посвящена анальному сексу. Перевода на русский не будет: кому надо - тот переведёт.

A lady quite lacking in class
Liked to shove things up her arse.
If you studied her crap
You could find lots of scrap
Like ornaments made out of brass.
There was a young lady, quite bright,
Couldn’t screw ’cos her twat was too tight.
She discovered a loophole
By using her poophole,
Now she does it all day and night.

There was an effeminate Ottoman
Whom ladies suspected was not a man.
He evaded the charm
Of feminine arms.
‘Frankly,’ he said, ‘I’m a bottom man!’
A cabin boy once, out at sea,
Complained that it hurt him to pee.
Said the burly first mate,
‘That accounts for the fate
Of the cook and the captain and me.’

A private schoolboy named Glass
Was had by the lads in his class.
He said, with a yawn,
‘When the novelty’s gone,
It’s only a pain in the arse.’
We really should treat with more gravity
The numerous acts of depravity
By those two old queers
Who’ve been at it for years,
Ben Doon and Phillip McCavity.

A convict once out in Australia
Said to a soldier, ‘I’ll tail yer.’
Said the soldier, ‘Be buggered,
You filthy old sluggard!
You’ve forgotten that I am your gaoler.’
A lucky gay fellow from Jumbuk
Moved to Sydney and had lots of dumb luck.
He won Lotto twice
And, against all advice,
Let his friend, who was nice, have a bumfuck!

A certain old sheik of Algiers
Said to his harem, ‘My dears,
Tho’ you may think it odd of me
I’m tired of sodomy.
Put it somewhere that isn’t your rears.’
A good tip for jaded old souls
Is changing the usual roles.
The backward position
Is nice for coition
And offers a choice of two holes.

Said a sodomite lad, ‘Once again
I see that my cock has a stain,
But now I bend down
I can see that it’s brown,
So I’ll let it wash off in the rain.’

There was an old maid from Cape Cod
Who dreamed she was buggered by God.
It wasn’t Jehovah
That rolled the girl over,
Was Roger the lodger, the dirty old codger (the bugger, the bastard, the sod!).

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